Okay, so I didn’t get a hair cut today. Hmm, I think my long, curly at the ends hair is part of who I am. Or is it? I don’t know, maybe a hair cut tomorrow or friday. So anyway, I got Friday, third shift off. I think I might go home Friday afternoon and sleep. I also have to fix up my room. Come back Saturday and work until I have work (another double shift, w00t!). I have two exam next week, so I’ll have to study for them.
Sometimes you have to forget about things even though you don’t want to. I realized I have to forget about something that is so active in my mind that it doesn’t remove easily. It sucks, since it is one reason I get depressed so often and I need to stop thinking about it. Hmph.
Once again, I’m sitting at arc-mon. And once again I fell asleep when in front of a user. Err, I really hate when that happens (this is number two). I really need to get sleep, I’ve been running on a few hours here and there for the past few months and it sucks, especially when you work during the night. I don’t mean to say that I will quit my jobs, but some jobs are better at night than other, for example: no one care if you doze off when sitting at your workstation in the ops office, but everone sees you when sitting at the monitors station. Sometimes the lab gets to me, even though I don’t work there that often (once a week for that one overnight). Time passes by slowly both in the lab and operations, but for some reason, operations time seem much better. Maybe because you don’t have to serve anyone and you are basically alone for the entire time. Also, you can take break when ever the hell you want. I really don’t want to do this, but I asked for sometime off this Friday/Saturday from operations (keyword: “asked”). It’s a bitch to get coverage for a third shift, especially for Friday night. But if I get it, it’s some well deserved rest, I will probably go home and actually sleep in a real bed instead of that excuse of one that I’ve been on for the longest time.
I think later today I’ll go get my hair cut. It’s getting to be that length were it’s annoying, getting in the way all the time. I don’t even remember when I cut it last, but it’s up to my shoulders. I know, I know, a few people are going to complain but whatever.
Forget I posted the previous post, I was half asleep and not thinking well.
So Spring Break was kind of a waste, where I worked, went to New York and did nothing for the remainder of the time. Oh the plans of doing all this wonderful work so I could be caught up with my classes didn’t happen. It really was bad, especially when you come to realize this is it, you have to do great this semester or you won’t be coming back next year. I have no Plan B or Backups, this is it. It’s especially hard when you can’t think straight and you realize that your neat little life that you had and was planning to continue for the future has become this mess that you could have never have imagined. The stresses of school, people and life have come to bombard you, hitting you square in the chest and knocking you on your back. Will I get up again and fight it, or just roll over and let it devour me. This is the question I ask myself everyday. It’s a hard decision and I’m amazed that I haven’t taken the easy way out yet. It’s getting harder and harder everyday, come on you’re on the floor, just let that knife of life go into you. It’s not like you have to pay for it, it’s so easy, just let it sink in. Why should you care what happens afterward, I mean, you are gone and it’s not like anyone cared about you beforehand? All of them going about their little lifes, scurrying about their own business while you sit there and feel the pain. Boy, the breeze does sting. Now the question is, will you let that wind knock you down? Is that cold hard rain intensily stinging thy entire life still bothering you? What will you do about it? Will you speak to it and ask why have they come? No, you must allow it to show why it has come and is still here. Why? Why? Why bother with this, when the stinging breeze is still coming strong.
It’s really depressing when you take your break at 6am and sit alone in a seven-story building which has only one other person, and all you do is sit there and think of how you could have done things differently in life. The what if’s and the should have’s really start piling. Sitting there just thinking gets you even more depressed. Thinking of how you were thinking about the same stuff for the past 5 hours gets you even more depressed than before. If someone, just one person, really knew you, would you feel the same? Would you feel happy if that person actually spoke to you and comforted you, tell you that everything would be okay (even though you knew it wouldn’t)?
Yeah, so it’s the Friday prior to Spring Break and I decide to skip class and go to Surplus. Hmm, it was more interesting that usual. Some guy started to yell at me since I was eyeing a HP server he bought. It already sold!!! Damn, I didn’t want that x86 floor server anyway (it looked at least 10U and had wheels). Wandered to the back near the place where the guy who’s name I never get but who knows me. There it was, a Sun Ultra 5. To make a long story short, I was carrying out an Ultra 5 under my arm along with a Type 5 keyboard and mouse in my bookbag, while my wallet was five dollars lighter and my head wondering if the guy was right about the video not possibly working. Meh, he either didn’t have a keyboard plugged in or pick a wrong monitor (Sun doesn’t really support non-Sun products for it’s own products). Anyway, if video doens’t work, I always have serial console, I mean I’m not going to use it for a workstation. Hmm, what the hell was I going to use it for? Ehh, minor details, anyway, come on, five dollars! Now the only thing to decide is what OS am I going to put on it. I have narrowed it down to Solaris or Linux, all though, I heard Linux is crap on non-x86 arch. Maybe it yoddling for BSD. Err, I have to decide.
I find it funny how I have more Sun machines than Macs which is more than x86. (3 vs 2 vs 1). I think I’m going to build a Windows box sometime soon since I need to use that crap for some of my classes.
I had the Programming Methodologies mid-term yesterday. I thought it was alright, although it was harder than I thought, but easier than it could have been. For the first time in my life, I thought an exam was easier than what everyone else thought. Err, still felt like Silver got out a strap on and throw away the KY.
Err, I had other stuff to say, but forgot.
Yeah, so Friday was a waste. But then Saturday came and all was well. You know why? The FIRST Robotics Competition occured (actually is started Thursday). It was great, the FHS RoboWarriors finally got to the championship round, but only to lose in the final round by micros (literally). Oh man it was great, silver medals for all.
Yeah, so I had work Saturday and slept for all but an hour during it. It sucked, but I was tired. Meh, I get paid and I’m one of the more knowledgable ones there. Ehh, nothing else happend.
As you can tell, I’ve been lacking good titles as of late. If you’re wondering what the past few titles mean, do a `host -a title.rutgers.edu` and you’ll find out.
So today was a little better. Work ended okay. Priciples sucked like usual, especially when we got our grades for the first exam back. The after noon was borderline crappy and so was the evening. On second thought, it was a crappy day. Especially when people start asking you for help in everything. It’s not like could you look at this, it’s more like: Explain this long and complex topic in a few days. Don’t worry, I brought lunch for myself. I really get sick of it. And people don’t get the concept of do the best you can.
So, Monday sucked and Tuesday sucked. Oh boy can’t wait until Wednesday to suck as well. I don’t understand why thing had to suck so much. Monday was just miserable for me. Things were, how does one say, sporadic, to say the least, one of which was taking a calc test. Oh yeah, I lost my hat ( and so did everyone else over the weekend). Today will be good.
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